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Why do you think people decide to live together? Other children said: |
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Because they love each other. | |
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Because they want to look after each other. | |
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Because they want to spend as much time with the other person as they can. | |
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Because they want to have babies together. | |
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Because they don't want to be alone. | |
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Because they think they will be together forever. | |
When parents decide to live together they might get married. A marriage is when two people decide that they want to live together and they sign a legal paper with their names on it so everyone knows about it. Some parents just live together without being married.
Families go through many changes if parents are married or not. Some changes feel good and some changes feel bad. Even if people don't want 'bad' changes, they happen. Some parents fight a lot, or make each other feel unhappy, so they start to think it would be better if they don't live together anymore. When things become very unhappy between them parents might think about separation. Separation is when parents decide not to live together anymore. If parents were married they might start thinking about getting divorced. A divorce is when parents sign another legal paper with their names that they don't want to live together anymore. Parents think that these changes, even if they feel very unhappy or sad in that moment, could be better for everyone in the future.
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Why do you think those changes happen? Other children said: |
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Parents stop loving each other. | |
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Maybe one parent wants to be alone for a while. | |
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One parent might start seeing another person they like better. | |
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It can happen that one parent hurt the other one and that it's better for that person to leave. | |
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Maybe some parents don't know the answer themselves. | |
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Parents maybe think that it just doesn't feel right to be with the other person any longer. | |
These can be some reasons why parents decide not to live together anymore. Maybe one of the reasons is the reason why your parents broke-up. Maybe there is another reason.
A separation can be for a long time or a short time. Sometimes it seems to be very hard for the parents to decide what they want to do. Changes are not easy to make. One day they might think that they want to be together again but then that doesn't work out and they separate again. For children this can be very difficult.
Sometimes when parents separate their Mum or Dad may decide that they don't want to see their children anymore. There are many reasons why this might happen but it is NOT because the child did anything wrong. This is important for children to know.
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Always remember: Changes happen all the time. Even if your parents don't live together anymore that doesn't mean you will only have one parent or no parents at all. Your parents will both always be your parents whether they live together or not. You will still have a family. |
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Usually a parent stops seeing their child because they think this is best for the child, or because it is the only way that they know how to handle the separation. They may feel very angry or very hurt or sad and think it may help their feelings if they don't have any contact with the child or the other parent. This does NOT necessarily mean that the absent parent doesn't love the child anymore or has left because of something the child did.
Sometimes the children don't want to see their Mum or their Dad anymore after they have separated. There can be different reasons why a child makes such a decision. Maybe the parent has been hurting them in some way or hurting their other parent. If one parent hurts the child or the other parent it is NOT OK and children have the right to decide that they don't want to see the parent any longer.
Sometimes it is only one of the parents that decide that he or she does not want to live together with the other parent anymore
Safety Plan
Children are not adults. That is why for children it is sometimes difficult to understand the decisions adults make. Parents make so many decisions. Some decisions children don't need to understand but some decisions are important for children. It makes it easier if children understand why their parents don't want to live together anymore, because children are part of the family before and after parents separate.