Loyalty conflicts

While your parents are separating, or since your parents have lived in different homes, you might feel that you have to choose between them. Maybe you feel pulled apart. Many children feel this way.

Read what other children have said:

My parents wanted me to make the decision about where I wanted to live. I wanted to have a say but I didn't want to make the decision all by myself. I said how I feel and my parents understood. We made the decision where I will live all together.

While living with one parent I feel bad for the other one. I always feel I have to spend same time with each parent. Now I know that it's sometimes just not possible.

Sometimes one parent said bad things about the other one. I didn't want to hear it because it made me feel bad.

My parents were fighting about me. I felt pulled apart on my birthday and other special days. Both of my parents wanted to spend time with me on the same days but that wasn't possible.

I thought it was not fair that my parents wanted me to take sides.

It was a very difficult time for all of us. I know now that both of my parents love me and they know I love both of them too.

When parents separate it is a very big change for all of the family. But two things don't change for most children at this time:

Your parents still love you!
You still love both of your parents!


		Some things for you to remember: You don't have to listen when parents say bad things about each other. Say you love them both and that hearing this upsets you. When you feel pulled apart tell your parents you love them both and that you can't decide between them. You may have to tell them more than once. If parents want you to carry messages back and forth, ask them to do it themselves. When you find at times you are angry with one or both parents tell them how you feel, it is ok to have these feelings. It is OK to have a different relationship with each parent. When parents don't live together anymore it is difficult to spend the same amount of time with each parent. Remember divorce is new for your parents too, and they will make some mistakes.