Feelings

Feelings and what you can do to make you feel better

• Do you feel as if your life has been turned upside down since your parents decided not to live together anymore?
• Do you have lots of different feelings that are all mixed up?
• Do you feel a bit like you're on a roller coaster ride?
• Do you sometimes go from being sad to angry to sad again?
• Do you sometimes feel confused or lonely and don't know what's happening around you?

Having your parents separate is one of the biggest things a kid ever has to go through. It can sometimes be as hard as when someone close to you dies. It is important to remember that it is normal to have a lot of different feelings when your parents decide not to live together anymore. There are NO right or wrong feelings.

You might find that you:

• Can't think about anything else
• Feel nothing
• Can't sleep
• Get mad or angry
• Feel very sad from time to time
• Feel confused about what is happening now or what will happen in the future
• Wet the bed
• Feel guilty because you feel relieved that one parent has gone
• Feel torn between your two parents
• Worry about one of your parents
• Worry about who will look after you
• Feel bad because you think that you did something to cause it to happen

When there is a big change in your life there are so many different feelings you might experience. Let's see how other kids felt when their parents decided not to live together anymore.

Maybe you're feeling some of these things too:

• I was very angry and thought that it was not fair. I am still angry sometimes.
• I was shocked and I couldn't believe that this happened to my family.
• I am feeling sad because I miss my parents being together.
• My belly felt very strange because I was so worried about what was going to happen to me - who was going to look after me?.
• I felt bad and wish I hadn't had so many fights with my sister.
• Now I feel okay because my parents are happier now that they don't live together anymore. I know that even though we live in separate places, we are still a family. My parents both love me very much.

It will take some time but you will feel better too after a while. Maybe how you feel will change from day to day. That is normal because feelings are something very weird.

Check what feelings you have:

• Your feelings are important - talk about them.
• You can write you feelings down.
• You can draw a picture of your feelings.
• Think of something that makes you feel good and do it.
• Crying can make you sometimes feel better - it is better to let the feelings out rather that keeping them inside. Imagine what would happen if you kept all the feelings to yourself.
• You can do some exercise - go for a walk, ride your bike, get someone to take you swimming, play basketball, play with your pet outside - exercise is a good way to let you feelings out and to make yourself feel better. See what happens and how good it feels. Picture
• You can ring and talk with a friend, or write a letter or send an email to someone you like.
• We have some Mandalas (pictures you can colour in) for you. They're really fun and can help you relax.

		Remember: There are NO right or wrong feelings. It is normal to have lots of different feelings when parents separate. But if your feelings last for a long time and are getting in the way of the normal things you do in life - ask for help. Talk to an adult or your friend about it or click here to find some contacts of people who can help.

Keep doing things you like to do - it is really important and OK to have fun!

Your parents may have some of the same feelings you have and maybe they are confused about all the different feelings they have too - so they might behave in ways you are not used to. But they will feel better after a while - and you will feel better too! You won't feel like this forever.

• Click here if you want to know more about parents hurting each other or you being hurt.
• There are different things you can do to help you to feel safe.