More questions children might have
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What does it mean when...
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Who will I live with?
Your parents will work this out, and if they can't then they can either go to mediation or to Court. If you're older you might get a say.
Can I decide who I live with or will someone else?
This will partly depend on your age and maturity. If your parents can't agree, even after you've said what you want, they can either go to mediation or to Court. You can be included in mediation and you can talk to a Court counsellor, mediator or independent children's lawyer about what you want.
What about my brothers/sisters - will they be with me?
Again this will depend on what everyone wants, or what is decided by your parents or a Judge or Federal Magistrate.
What about my pets - will they be with me?
Whether your pets are with you might depend on who you're living with. If you move out of the family home with one of your parents, and they start living in a house where pets aren't allowed, they won't be able to come with you. If that happens children can sometimes still see their pets when they spend time with the other parent.
Will I stay in our house or have to move to another house?
This will depend on which of your parents moves out of the family home, and which parent you live with.
Will I still see my friends?
If you stay in the family home and the same school, then you will still see your friends. If you move away you might have to make special arrangements to catch up with your friends but remember you'll be making new friends as well.
Will I have to change school?
This will also depend on whether or not you move away from the family home. Click here if you want to know more about changing school.
What about my sport/drama/ballet classes - will I still be able to go?
This will also depend on whether or not you move away from the family home. Most parents understand how important these things are to children and it's always a good idea to talk to both of them about this.
Will I be able to have 'my' stuff at both houses?
Many children take some of their belongings to the home of the parent they don't mainly live with, and leave them there. Or you can take things and then bring them home again. Tell your parents about things that are important to you so that you feel comfortable in both parents' homes with familiar things around you.
If I live with Mum will I still see Dad / if I live with Dad will I still see Mum?
The law says children have the right to see and know both of their parents, unless one of them is abusive, neglectful or dangerous. Both of your parents will be encouraged to come to an arrangement - a parenting plan - that makes sure you get to spend time with both of them.
How often will I see them?
This will depend on whether your parents can come to an agreement, or on what a Judge or Federal Magistrate decides. It might also depend on what days and hours your parents work and it will have to fit in around your schooling.
Do I have to see them?
If you don't want to see one of your parents it's a good idea to talk to a counsellor, mediator or (if you have one) a separate representative.
Do I have a say about that?
You do have a right to have a say about what you want, but what is decided might depend upon your age or your reasons for not wanting to see your other parent.
If not, who decides?
If your parents can't agree, then the Court will decide after the Judge or Federal Magistrate has read all the information that everyone gives him or her.
Will I be able to/have to have sleep overs with my other parent?
Most children get to spend time with their other parent which involves sleep overs. If you're worried or scared about sleep overs you should talk to your parents, a counsellor, or a family consultant.
What if one of my parents moves a long way away?
If one of your parents moves away, often arrangements can be made for you to spend longer periods of time with them, but less often, for instance during school holidays. Your parents or the Court will decide how and when that will happen and you can also say what you want to happen.
What if one parent won't let me see the other parent?
If one of your parents won't let you see your other parent, but they haven't gone to Court yet, then the other parent will probably arrange to go to Court about it. After that your parents will be encouraged to come to an agreement or a Court will decide what will happen. The law always says that children have a right to see both parents unless there is a danger.
Will I be picked up from home or somewhere else?
That will depend on where each of your parents live, how well they can get along or what they want. If seeing each other is upsetting they might arrange for you to be picked up from a contact/ handover centre.
Can I ring Mum/Dad when I'm on contact?
This can sometimes be tricky, especially when children want to ring the parent they usually live with all the time while they are visiting the other parent. It's a good idea to talk to your parents about what would be a good arrangement for you and for them. If they can't agree then the Court can decide what can happen.
What if I want to go home early?
This is also tricky because if the Court has ordered contact to finish at, for instance, five o'clock in the afternoon and you want to go home at three o'clock, your parent might be worried about disobeying the order, or one or both of your parents might have made plans until five o'clock. It's good to talk to your parents about this. But if you are ever scared or worried you should always tell someone.
What if Mum/Dad decides not to take me home - what will happen?
If one of your parents disobeys the Court order and won't take you home, this will be very upsetting for everyone. The parent you mainly live with will have to go to Court to get a special order made for you to be returned. This might take two or three days, depending on what day of the week you were meant to go home. Always try to tell your parents about your feelings.
What if Mum/Dad takes me home late or picks me up late?
This is also disobeying the Court order. If there isn't a good reason - for instance if the car broke down - then your parents might have to go back to Court about it, especially if it happens a lot.
What if Mum/Dad don't turn up to collect me for contact?
The law can't force a parent to spend time with their children, so while it will be very upsetting for you especially, and for the parent you mainly live with, there is not much anyone can do about that.
Will different things happen about contact in school holidays?
Often contact will be different during holidays, for instance if you normally have contact with your other parent on a weekend, you might have a whole week of the school holidays for contact.
What will happen at birthdays or Christmas?
If your parents can't agree about what will happen then the Court will decide. Often the Court will decide that one year one parent will spend time with you on those occasions, and the next year the other parent will, so that they take it in turns each year.
How old do I have to be before I can decide what I want?
This is a difficult question to answer. The counsellors, mediators and independent children's lawyers always consider how old the child is, how mature the child is, and how much of what is happening the child understands. They will also make sure that you are saying what you want, not just what someone has told you to say.
Safety Plan
