Parental conflict

The level of parental conflict children experience is found to be a major factor in determining how children cope with the separation of their parents. Research consistently shows that high levels of parental conflict have a negative impact on children's ability to cope with the separation as well as upon their further development. Even very young babies react with fear when their parents argue.

Many research studies have highlighted that it is not so much the separation that causes problems for children, but the level of conflict between parents before, during, and after the separation. In our research, children have said that being caught in the middle of their parents' arguments and/or being asked to carry messages between their parents are amongst the worst things they experience in their new family.

Children thrive when seeing and knowing that their parents co-operate in matters concerning them. It is important for children to maintain contact with both their parents (if this is safe), so it is beneficial if both parents allow and encourage the children to maintain contact with the other parent.

Good communication between the parents has the added benefit of allowing the parents to develop similar routines in their homes, and use similar methods of child rearing.

Finally, by observing their parents communicate in a co-operative manner, children learn communication skills that will be of benefit for them for the rest of their lives. If they witness high levels of parental conflict, children learn that aggressive attitudes and behaviours are an effective and accepted way of interacting with other people.