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To many this parenting arrangement seems ideal as the children spend equal amounts of time with both their parents and can maintain a close relationship with both parents. As such some parents might consider this to be the fairest family arrangements after separation. Under certain circumstances, it may be one way of ensuring that both children's and parents' interests and needs are met.
There are different ways that equal time parenting can be scheduled, for example:
The outcome of 50:50 care can be very positive for children, especially for younger children who need regular contact to establish and maintain close attachment relationships. As children experience the same amount of care from both parents, they are able to maintain a close relationship with both of them.
One difficulty might be that children may feel a lack of stability when having two homes. This will depend on how parents handle the situation as well as the child's temperament and personality. They may also feel torn between the parents if there is conflict. It is important not to expose the children to any conflict when going between the two parents' homes. To avoid conflict it can be helpful to seek help to develop a 'business-like' relationship after separation.
This arrangement might develop because contact between a parent and his/her children was never established, or was irregular, or because of high level parental conflict or violence.
Reasons for little or no contact can include:
It can be difficult for children to develop and maintain a relationship with a parent they see very infrequently, especially when they are very young. The separation periods can be too long for children to be able to develop or maintain an attachment. However, under certain circumstances little or no contact with a parent is in the children's best interests.
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Holiday-only contact can be very difficult for parents and children. The resident parent might feel that he or she has to deal with all the daily challenges of parenting, while the non-resident parent has fun when the children are on holidays. In such situations family members or friends can be a great source of help.
It can be very painful for the non-resident parent to live far away from his/her children. Some feel this arrangement means they lose contact with their children. Others find new ways of communicating to maintain meaningful relationships with their children, for example by letter, mobile phone (including text messages), the internet and web cams.
As with other arrangement, the cooperation of both parents is very important. Holiday-only contact is a big challenge for everyone involved - but it can be managed.
It can be very difficult for children to establish and maintain a close relationship with the parent they only see during holidays, particularly for younger children. Children benefit from regular contact with both parents.
Where there are long periods between contact it might be hard for younger children to leave the resident parent and to maintain a meaningful relationship with the non-resident parent from a distance. Distance can also promote communication difficulties for the parents which will also impact on the children's well being. However, relocation of one parent can also have benefits. The improved well being of the parent who moved away can positively impact upon the children involved.
Travelling large distances to see the other parent is also not easy for all children. As children get older it will get easier for everyone. Children will be able to make their own decisions, to communicate meaningfully in other ways, and to travel by themselves.
This arrangement occurs for various reasons, for example:
Non-resident parents might feel that they don't have enough time with their children. It can help to appreciate every minute you are with the child and to plan child-centred activities in advance. Some non-resident parents feel that it would be easier to withdraw from the relationship with their children. However, it is important to consider what is best for the children. Most children want meaningful contact with both parents.
Resident parents might feel that all the mundane responsibilities, such as cooking, washing and cleaning, are up to them and that there is a lack of quality contact with their children because of all the other things that need to be done. This can be a frustrating experience.
The views of resident and non-resident parents can be very different. While non-resident parents might feel left out of their children's lives, the resident parents might feel overburdened and disappointed that the other parent has withdrawn from their children's lives.
Issues from the former relationship can sometimes play a part in how new family arrangements develop. It is always important to remember that the main consideration should be what is in the best interests of the children. It is of immense benefit to your children if conflict between the parents does not play a role when deciding upon new family arrangements.
The character of parents and children's day and night contact is different. While day-time contact sometimes can be very structured and time-limited, night-time contact often offers less time constraints and more chances to develop an emotional bond with the children. However, day-time activities are important and play a big part of the child's life.
A lot of people see the model of 'every other weekend and half of the holidays' as the 'standard' post-separation parenting arrangement. It is suggested that this model emerged as a result of the tradition that fathers have paid work outside the home, and that mothers are responsible for the work at home, including caring for their children. As this tradition is changing and it is becoming clear that children benefit from having meaningful relationships with both their parents, many other parenting arrangements are emerging. However, this arrangement is still very common.
The reasons might be that:
How many nights the children stay with the non-resident parent over the weekend varies from one to three. In some families non-resident parents also see their children during the week. There are all sorts of options for this arrangement.
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Non-resident parents might feel a lack of involvement in school, homework or other things in their children's lives, or they might feel pressured to put all they can into the amount of time they have with their children. Lack of money might cause frustration in such circumstances, especially if plans and/or activities can not be fulfilled. However remember that the quality of contact between the child and the parent is as important as the quantity of time.
Resident parents might fear that the child may choose to stay with the other parent and might feel frustrated as they have to juggle all daily responsibilities that go along with caring for children during the week. Friends and other family members can be a great help.
Having a 12 day separation from a parent can be too long for many children, especially if they are under 5 years of age. The relationship between the child and absent parent might diminish in meaning and attachment relationships may not be maintained or developed. However, this arrangement can be beneficial for children if the non-residential parent does not have the sensitivity necessary to provide children with a nurturing environment.
Separations for more than 7 days can be too long for many children so this arrangement has some advantages, however the hand-over mid-week can give rise to parental conflict.
(Friday am - Monday pm)
A more expansive weekend can still involve a long separation for younger children and the absent parent. The child can be dropped off by the resident parent at school or childcare on the Friday morning and then collected by the non-resident parent after school, depending on their age and then come back to the resident home after school or child-care on the Monday. This would provide less opportunity for conflict between the two parents. However this can be difficult to manage when the non-residential parent lives too far away or if he/she has inflexible work schedules.
(Friday pm - Sunday pm; Wednesday pm - Thursday am)
This arrangement means that there is no separation between the child and the non-residential parent greater than 7 days. Because of the transition from and to school or child care on Wednesday nights and Thursday mornings there is less opportunity for conflict between the parents. The non-resident parent also gets a chance to be involved in the child's daily activities, such as schoolwork, while the residential parent is able to have one mid-week evening free.
This arrangement has the same positive outcomes as the one above and brings even less potential for conflict as children can be picked up/dropped off from childcare, school - depending on their age. The non-residential parent also has more responsibility for children's schoolwork and more contact time.
(alternating Friday pm - Monday am, and Parent A: Monday pm - Wednesday am and Parent B: Wednesday pm - Friday am each week)
This arrangement involves a five day separation from each parent, which is acceptable for most children over five years. When the children go to school or childcare, parents can pick them up/drop them off from these places so conflict can be avoided. Each residence should provide clothing and other equipment for children to feel at home. Both parents can be fully involved in the children's schoolwork and other activities, depending on their age.
(Friday pm - Saturday pm or Sunday am; Saturday pm - Sunday pm or Monday am; midweek divided as above)
This arrangement means no separation from parents greater than three days which can be very beneficial for preschool children.
Research from the Australian Institute of Family Studies (2004) has shown that
