Domestic violence or family violence usually involves an imbalance of power. It involves control and intimidation and often leaves the victims living in fear. It can include different forms of behaviours:
- emotional and psychological, such as threatening to hit, intimidating, rejecting
- physical, including pushing, hitting, breaking things, hurting pets
- verbal, such as constant 'put downs', criticism
- sexual, such as rape, having other partners, engaging in denigrating acts
- economic, such as controlling the finances, making the victim account for every cent, buying and controlling the food
- social, such as isolating from family and friends, putting the victim down socially.
Some forms of abuse are more obvious than others and they can escalate over time. Some people experience many forms of violence and abuse, others might experience one kind, although where there is one form there are usually others.
For some people family violence is a daily experience, others might experience it once or twice. It doesn't matter how many forms people experience or how often people experience it - family violence is always wrong.
Not everyone is able or wanting to leave the abusive relationship. There are various reasons people stay in abusive relationships, such as
- love for their partner when the abuse is not present and/or thinking the abuser will change,
- staying for the sake of the children or for fear of losing the children,
- lack of resources, economic and financial,
- lack of self-esteem or self-worth,
- fear of the unknown,
- fear of being hurt or killed if they leave,
- pressure from others to stay, such as family or priests.
Some people who are violent and/or abusive can admit responsibility, get help and change. However many people who use abuse repeatedly say they will change but they don't and continue to hurt the people around them. Hurting others is wrong.
Witnessing family violence is extremely damaging to children and is seen as a form of child abuse. When children are involved their risk of getting hurt must be eliminated. Children are never to young to be affected by family violence and often get directly hurt in the fray.
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Always remember:
You and your children have a right to feel safe. |
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