Loyalty conflicts

While your parents are separating, or because your parents live in different homes now, you might feel that you have to choose between them. Maybe you feel pulled apart and stressed out about it.

Here are some things to think about:

You don't have to listen when parents say bad things about each other. You can tell them that you love them both and that hearing things about the other parent upsets you.
When you feel pulled apart tell your parents you love them both and that you can't decide between them. You may have to tell them more than once.
If parents want you to carry messages back and forth, ask them to stop and tell the other parent themselves. You are not the messenger.
It is OK to have a different relationship with each parent. When parents don't live together anymore it is difficult to spend the same amount of time with each parent.
Remember that divorce is new for your parents too, and they will make some mistakes.

When parents separate it involves a very big change for all of the family. But two things don't change for most children at this time:

Your parents still love you!
You still love both of your parents!

Click here to read more about your rights when parents separate.
Click here to read more about loss and grief.
Sometimes one parent stops having contact with the children. Click here to find our more.

It's not your fault Strange words, what they mean Loyalty conflicts No contact with one parent Positive things that might change Other things that might change Keeping in touch with both parents Loss and grief Different emotions Dealing with stress Talking about your feelings United Nations Convention Special rights DV - what does it mean? Your parents hurting the other You being hurt Things to help you feel safe Friends being hurt Restraining Orders How to tell someone Bullying Coping with the changes Things to help get organized Questions More questions! Alcohol and you Body Changes Money Moving out Family and friends Parents using drugs	Loyalty conflicts While your parents are separating, or because your parents live in different homes now, you might feel that you have to choose between them. Maybe you feel pulled apart and stressed out about it. Here are some things to think about: You don't have to listen when parents say bad things about each other. You can tell them that you love them both and that hearing things about the other parent upsets you. When you feel pulled apart tell your parents you love them both and that you can't decide between them. You may have to tell them more than once. If parents want you to carry messages back and forth, ask them to stop and tell the other parent themselves. You are not the messenger. It is OK to have a different relationship with each parent. When parents don't live together anymore it is difficult to spend the same amount of time with each parent. Remember that divorce is new for your parents too, and they will make some mistakes. When parents separate it involves a very big change for all of the family. But two things don't change for most children at this time: Your parents still love you! You still love both of your parents! Click here to read more about your rights when parents separate. Click here to read more about loss and grief. Sometimes one parent stops having contact with the children. Click here to find our more.
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