Different emotions
Sadness and Depression
Sadness or depression has many causes
- being lonely
- having no one you can trust
- feeling distant or different from friends and family
- not being interested in things you used to enjoy
- life feeling out of control
- too many changes to quickly
Life for a teenager is complex. You have to deal with body changes and new relationships and situations. You are between adulthood and childhood and finding a place where you fit is not always an easy thing to do. Sometimes feeling sad or depressed is normal at this stage of your life. It will pass.
But when you get too down or the sadness doesn't go away it's important to do something about it. Talking to someone you trust can help; this can be your parents or grandparents, your friends, a school counsellor, your doctor or a psychologist. There are also help lines you can call on the phone. But for some even then the sad feelings don't go and they need more help. Click here to find out where you can get help.
"Help, I want to hurt myself."
Maybe you have reached the point where you feel it's all too much for you to deal with. You don't know what to do and feel you are in a black hole and have no energy. Life may not seem to be worth living.
STOP! Hurting yourself is never a good answer for anybody. You will hurt everyone who cares about you.
Your black feelings will go away with time. It's important for you to talk to somebody about your feelings. If no one is around there are different things that you can do to feel better and to take the pain away. Here are some ideas:
- Ring a help line. Click here to find the telephone numbers
- Write a letter to your parents and tell them how you feel
- Go for a walk, breathe in the fresh air and try to take notice of the things around you
- Start writing a diary and write your feelings down
- Think of all the good things in your life and write them down
- Think of somebody that you really like and give them a ring or write them a letter telling them how you feel
- Make an appointment to see your doctor
Talking helps! It's not always an easy thing to do and you might feel embarrassed. But people who care will try to understand and help you to find ways to be happy again. Click here for more contacts.
"No one cares about me anyway."
There are people who care about you - but they might be too involved in their own problems at the moment. Find a friend who cares or talk to talk to your parents and/or your counsellor at school. Click here for more contacts.
"I don't want to talk to my parents about my feelings."
It can be really hard to talk about your feelings with your parents. You might feel disloyal, guilty and embarrassed because you don't want to put too much on them. Even though your parents are there for you there are other people who you can try to talk to. This may be your grandparents, friends, a counsellor at your school, one of your teachers or your doctor. Click here to find more contacts.
Anger
Feeling angry is normal. Anger can be turned inwards (sad feelings) or outward (aggression against other people or things). As well as feeling anger differently, people handle anger in different ways: some shout and scream while others would rather talk things through, are very polite or keep things to themselves. There are positives and negatives in all styles. By screaming you might hurt others but you let it out; by holding your anger back you might hurt yourself but you don't hurt other people.
Steps to deal with your anger effectively
- Take a deep breath
- Think the situation over: Why do I feel angry? What is it that caused it? What other emotions do I feel? What does the other person feel? Why did they do what they did? Anger is often covering up another feeling.
- You have a choice in how you react or respond. Think about what work best for me and others.
- Respond
It's okay to feel angry. It shows us that something is wrong and needs to be dealt with. Handling anger the right way can make things become clearer.
Fears and Anxiety
People feel anxious when they're experiencing something new or dangerous, or when something is coming up that's stressful or embarrassing. Your heart rate goes up, your tummy starts feeling weird and you might start feeling sick.
Usually the anxiety goes away when the situation is over. But for some people the fear doesn't go and it gets in the way of their normal life. If this happens to you talk to a person you trust about it. This can be your parent or doctor.
"Since my parents' separation I worry that I'll never be able to have a relationship."
It's normal for young people to think this way and to worry about their own relationships. But it's important for you to remember that you are NOT your parents. You will be able to love and to be loved - that's got nothing to do with your parents' relationship. It can be important to talk these fears through with someone you can trust. Click here to find contacts.
"After my parents separated I'm scared to be by myself."
This fear can happen to younger children as well as older children. You might feel very distressed when leaving the parent you still live with or when that parent is leaving you to go to work etc. You may be scared to be alone. Those fears can be normal, especially when parents separate. But they usually go away after a while and you feel okay again. If that's not the case you should talk to someone so your feelings don't get in the way of things you usually enjoy. Click here to find contacts.
